Where else could I go?

Reading John 6 I realise I am in good company.  Jesus has just 'explained' about his flesh being life, but of course many don't get it. Why would they? Many don't get it now, after Jesus' death and resurrection, so why would they get it then?! So, many of his disciples left at this point as it was just so hard to take.

Jesus senses the disquiet and tries to explain agin that it is only the spirit that gives life, that his words and explanation are all about the spirit. Many leave Jesus at this point and no longer follow him. 

Jesus then turns to the twelve and gives them an opportunity to leave too. And this is where I feel a resonance.  They say "Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God"

I say this resonates with me, not because of any high spiritual value, I am not immune from doubting, I don't have a monopoly on faith. Sometimes, I feel full of faith and ready to conquer mountains, but at the moment, during the school holidays with a teenager who has special needs, I feel the opposite of that! 

There are some days that I feel more like this...."where else would I go?" 

The humanists would say we are in control, we hold the power, we can do it all. But I know I can't. I know I am weak.  I know there are days I feel like giving up. Without Jesus what do I have? A life without hope. I would still have the same problems, the same daily grind of facing seizures, clearing up messes, spinning the metaphorical plates, but that's it. Day in, day out, wake, work, sleep, wake, work, sleep, and then you die. Wow! To me that is the most awful, depressing, scary thought, a life devoid of hope and life. Yes, moments of fun and laughter within those days, but, I'm sorry, that just isn't enough for me. I want more. I want the hope of a life without sorrow, without pain, with joy and peace and love. Only Jesus offers this.   Erwin McManus in his book 'The Artisan Soul' talks about a time he was on a high brow Q&A panel at Columbia University, and was asked why he still believes in Jesus despite having given up on Santa and the Easter bunny; the inference being that God too is a figment of our imagination so why not give up on him too. His reply echoes my heart. He explained that as children we don't know everything, we need to be taught, and as we grow we distinguish between things and discard what we don't agree with or we find to be wrong or untrue. It's the same way with distinguishing between Santa and God. Santa has not transformed my life (ok the year he gave an IPad was pretty cool!! Lol!) Jesus has. It is Jesus who helps me more from selfishness to selflessness, it is Jesus who inspires me from hate to love, it is Jesus who changes my chaos into peace. It is Jesus who gives me the strength to keep going each day. McManus says "the reason I didn't give up on Hod when I put away my other imaginary friends is that every time I create more room by vacating an imaginary friend, I find more space for extraordinary encounters with the living God." 

The Bible tells us that when Jesus left the earth and ascended to heaven after his resurrection another form of God came; the Holy Spirit. It is this Spirit who interacts with the believer each day, strengthening, challenging, highlighting issues to change, loving. The church in the UK hadn't been great at telling the world that God is supernatural and works supernaturally. But He does. Daily. 

So I have a choice. When I feel low, struggling to get through the day, feeling isolated as I can't get out with my daughter, or feeling overwhelmed with the hundreds of things that need doing during term time. I can give up, lower my gaze and focus on me, how I'm supposed to be the answer, or blame my husband, the doctors or anyone else available who I assign with the impossible task of trying to fix it all. None of that will help me, or anyone around me. All it will do is get me wound up, angry, bitter and frustrated. To who else can I go but the one who has the words of eternal life, of hope, of joy.  Who, despite my circumstances can lift me out and change my perspective. My story is this; I don't come 'joy filled' I have to daily go to the one who fills me with joy, peace, strength and love. Some days I am more successful at going to him than others (I apologise if you have seen me on a day I haven't gone to him!) But what I know is this. Without Jesus I would most definitely be a huge mess, I am a darn sight nicer, happier and more secure human following Jesus than I ever was before.

Ref: McManus, E.R., 'The Artisan Soul', 2014, Harper One: New York.